'THE
MAN FROM IRONBARK'
Scene
– a barber shop in Old Sydney Town.
Mick: I'll shave my beard and whiskers off, I'll be
a man of mark,
I'll go and do the Sydney toff up home in Ironbark.
Bertha: Good afternoon sir. Will you be wanting anything
special done today? Perhaps a shampoo and some hot rollers? A french
braid? A bouffant?
Mick: Back home in Ironbark they just shakes your beard
before they shaves it.
Bertha: Really? What does the shaking do? Does it help
to give the beard more body and lift?
Mick: Nah – it just gets rid of any insects that
might have made their home in it.
Bertha: Insects?
Mick: Sure – when shear sheep like I do you can
pick up all sorts of little fellas in your beard. Fleas, lice, ticks…
Huntsmen, Redbacks, Funnelwebs… Some of those little bushy-tailed
native rats.
Bertha: Disgusting!
Mick: I even heard tell of one old ringer who had a
wombat in his mutton chops.
Bertha: I shall not touch your whiskered chin, with
lice and rats so grubby.
I won't touch it with a ten foot pole – I'll have to get my hubby.
(Yelling) Bob!
(Bob enters, be-sashed and cigar in mouth)
Chorus: The barber man was small and flash, as barbers
mostly are,
He wore a strike-your-fancy sash, he smoked a huge cigar:
And when he saw Mick in the chair, he whispered…
Bob: Here’s a lark! Just watch me catch him all
alive this man from Ironbark.
