'ALICE
IN DOWN-UNDER LAND'
Scene
– down by the billabong
Magpie: Inspection time.
(The Sheep present their needles and latest knitted creations)
Magpie: And what do you call this?
Sheep: A jumpsuit sir!
Magpie: (Pointing to the flares at the bottom)
No – what do you call these?
Sheep: Flares sir!
Magpie: That's not what I call flares! I've seen bigger
bell-bottoms in a Weight Watchers' production of "The Hunchback
of Notre Dame"! When the Bunyip asks for flared jumpsuits he expects
flares big enough to loose an elephant in. Am I understood?
Sheep: Yes sir!
Magpie: Do you call these lapels? Where are the sequins?
The Bunyip expressly asked for sequined lapels on all of his jumpsuits!
Sheep: We don't have the sequins yet sir.
Magpie: What? Why not?
Sheep: Well… um… We sent Blackie to Spotlight
(or any local fabric shop) earlier this morning and he still
hasn't come back.
Sheep: He's the black sheep of the family. Unreliable.
He doesn't go along with the rest of the flock. Thinks for himself.
And that's very baaad.
Sheep: (All the Sheep in unison) Very baaad.
Blackie: (Entering) What's baaad, man?
Sheep: See what we mean? Look at his hair – he
hasn't even cut off the dags!
Blackie: They're dreds man.
Sheep: Why can't you be like the rest of the lambs
– get yourself a nice short back and sides shearing.
Blackie: But I can't just be like everyone else. I've
got to be an individual.
Sheep: (All the Sheep in unison) We're all
individuals!
Blackie: But none of you think for yourselves.
Sheep: (All the Sheep in unison) Yes we do!
Blackie: They why are you all saying the same thing?
Sheep: (All the Sheep in unison) We're not!
Blackie: Yes you are – you just did it again.
Sheep: (All the Sheep in unison) No we didn't!
Magpie: Sorry to interrupt this little family discussion
but… COULD WE PLEASE REMEMBER WHO IS IN CHARGE! The sequins will
just have to wait. The Bunyip, upon advice from his marketing managers…
namely us… has requested that you lay aside the flared jumpsuits
and commence work on knitting… the world's largest sideburns!…
