'ALICE
IN WONDERLAND'
Scene
– in Wonderland
Rabbit: Oh my whiskers and cotton-tail! I shall be
too late.
Alice: Too late for what if I may ask?
Rabbit: Oh my knees and non-existent knickerbockers!
Isn't it obvious?
Alice: Not really sir.
(Alice gets up and leaves her sister reading)
Rabbit: (Offering the watch as evidence) Tell
me dear child, what is unusual about this picture?
Alice: Now let me see… A talking rabbit who is
wearing a waistcoat with a fob-watch is asking me if anything is peculiar…
Hang on… I know this one. It's the watch!
Rabbit: And what is it about the watch?
Alice: It only has the number 2 on it.
Rabbit: Correct! And where may I ask is the hand pointing?
Alice: It seems to be on the word 'LATE'.
Rabbit: '2' and 'LATE', hence the time is…?
Alice: Ten past… Two before… I'm not totally
sure. You see, I'm more accustomed to normal faces.
Rabbit: (Offended) Fine! Just insult me then!
I'll have you know that this face has been in my family for generations.
Alice: I meant no offence…
Rabbit: My father gave it to his father who gave it
to his father who took it back from William the Concreter himself! He
did a patio for us at Hastings. Lovely fellow.
Alice: I was talking about the…
Rabbit: Like you can talk about faces! You're no Mona
Lisa yourself! But seriously… It's the teeth isn't it? And my
butt is a little large too.
Alice: No, I was merely…
Rabbit: Don't deny it! I know! (Looking at his
watch again) Arghh! My neck and nasal hairs! I'm too late as it
is. If I'm three late the Queen will have my head – then what
will I have to pass on for posterior's sake?
Alice: Your posterior?
Rabbit: Now you're just being rude. (Running off
down the rabbit hole) Oh my lips and lasagne! I'm late! I'm late!
For a very important date!
Alice: What a curious fellow. You know, I don't think
I've ever had such a confusing conversation with a rabbit before…
Come to think of it – I don't think I've ever had a conversation
with a rabbit before. (She runs down the rabbit hole after him)
Wait! Wait for me!
