'PGR'
Scene
– at the auditions for the new Hollywood blockbuster – 'Lucky
Latchkeys'
Hortencia: Do you remember the ad for 'Puffy Flakes'?
The one with the exploding caterpillar?
Sue: Oh yes.
Hortencia: Well my little Harry here was the voice
of the caterpillar. Go on Harry – say the line.
Harry: Do I have to mum?
Hank: Come on – we can't keep the nice people
waiting.
Harry: All right… I'm so full of 'Puffy Flakes'
I could expl…
Gemma: Expl-what?
George: Explore?
Ginger: Explain yourself?
Harry: Explode! Half way through me saying the word,
the animated caterpillar exploded into a shower of 'Puffy Flakes'.
Tommy: Sounds awfully messy.
Sue: Is that what they make 'Puffy Flakes' from? From
caterpillars?
Simon: I don't think I'll be eating them again.
Harry: No – it was just an ad, that's all.
Hortencia: Not 'just' an ad dear. It was a stepping
stone… to what?
Harry: (Reeling off this speech by rote) A
stepping stone toward a TV sit-com and then a movie career so that you
can retire in style. But mum, can't I just be a plumber?
Hortencia: Only if it's Christopher Plumber dear.
Hank: And what about this little tyke?
Terry: This is my boy Tommy. He's just turned four.
Gerald: Four? Isn't he a little young for a major motion
picture?
Terry: Looks can be deceiving. He's a veteran of the
toddler circuit.
Tommy: I may still be in nappies but I've seen things
in this industry which would make your hair curl faster than eating
your crusts.
Simon: What sort of things?
Tommy: Let me tell you, this industry will chew you
up and spit you out – even if you haven't started teething yet.
Sure it begins all innocent – a few smiles in Pixie-Photos for
adoring relatives… but the next thing you know, life becomes a
blur of baby competitions and vasolined gums. Pretty soon you're rocketing
out of control in the pram of success without any brakes.
Hank: It can't be that bad.
Tommy: Bad? It messes with your head. I've seen plenty
of babies turn to the bottle. Even I was hooked on the dummy for a while.
Anything to pacify if you know what I mean.
Hank: Wow. Who would have thought that the world of
toddler talent was so cut-throat.
